tonight was't good night

I think I wasn't a good student tonight. because I spoke very very few. I spoke insufficient. I wasn't a good student tonight. I don't like myself. because whenever I must show myself, I can't. but why?
I didn't have a good feel. it's a one reason for this matter and another mater I think it's this thing that my sister is my classmate. I don't know why this thing worry me but I know I'm worry about this thing.
my GOD, please help me. I need your help. please help me. I need calm. I need calm. I need calm. I miss it, please return it to me. I need it. help me. I need it. I can't do anything without it therefore, please help me. please.

look at around yourself

have you ever attended around yourself?
have you ever seen the people carefully?
what have you seen?
why aren't the people kind and friend with each others?
why don't they love each others?
why do they fight with each others?
we have a lot of place for living but why we want to live in place that the other persons live there?
I have a lot of "WHY"s in my mind but I don't have any answer for them.
is there any person can help me?
is there?
I don't think so there is any person.
I don't think so.

tired spirit

My spirit is so tired. I think.

very bad experience

last year, in these dates, I had a terrible situation of spirit.

just in half an hour, all of my life was changed.

about one and half year, I thought I'm the blestest person in the world. but I was wrong just for half an hour; just for this.

after half an hour, I understood I was wrong and all of thing was just a sweet dream that I made it for myself.

a person who was telling me all of the time: "I love you", left me alone with a lot of sweet dreams and told me: "God bye forever. be lucky". just this, without special reasons, without just one reason that could convince me.

a person with a poor willpower; a person with a strong claim. for these reason, I appreciate my GOD, because he helped me to rid this situation and next situations after it. thanks my GOD very much.

do you want to know what were the reasons of this person?

do you want to know?

these are things that were told me:

1- I had a blue ring in my marriage finger.

2- those days, I didn't have a special job. just sometimes I worked as a typist and no more and this person knew it. (but today I work as a typist, I teach computer to kids and maybe I can teach english language to kids and for these things I appreciate my GOD a lot, because he changed my life in a real and true way. thank you so much).

3- my family didn't have a big house in a best place of the city.

4- my father was retired and didn't work those days but now he has a big store for himself and works in it. (for this thing, I appreciate my GOD too. thank you so much)

I don't remember any more reason.

do you think, it is enough for ending a relation that suppose it's very strong and nobody can't disturb it? I don't say it, the person who ended it, said it all of the time and couldn't defend me against family.

until now, I'm thinking it some times; thinking to real reasons but I can't find them. do you know what they are? can you tell me?

I had a very bad experience and I don't want to repeat it; for this reason, I decide to not get married until I gain every things I need in my life and until I can find a person who wants me just for myself, not for my social rank of my family, not for my money, not for my pretty, not for nothing; just for myself; just this. and I think there isn't such as this person. do you think there is?

I think all of the people need to another person just for themselves not for himself or herself. do you agree with me?

for this time, it's my belief, maybe the time change it. I don't know.

I have a bad memory about this matter until yet.

another time, thanks my GOD

today, I have a great time.

I have a entrance exam for teaching english to kids.

I must play theater because my students will be kids under 10 or 11 year old.

I thought it must be a difficult because I hadn't done any things like this before.

moreover, last night, I couldn't sleep enough and I was so tired.

but I wanted to gain this job and in the morning, when I was going to the institute I told my GOD: "dear Lord! I need your help for another time such as all of the time. please help me. I need it."

and now I know that only person can help me all of the time, he is just my GOD without any expectance and for this reason and many other reason, I appreciate my GOD very much.

thanks a lot.

Been or not Been

to night, one person wanted me for being with him. I liked to be with him because I thought he could be a good friend, he could help me and listen me, but I couldn't accept your request. he seem a good person but I wans't sure. I didn't know anything special about him, I knew him just for one day and tree times talking with phone and a few days sending some message. just this and no more. I didn't have enough time to spend for a new one that need all of my time. I didn't want to start a new friendship that went to unknown goal. finally I decided to stop this matter at the begining of way. because I think it's better and easier than future. therefore I said to him, sorry, I can't continue, please try to find a real friend for yourself, I can't be a good friend for you. I have a tired soul. I have a lot of problem that I can't tell you them.

I think sometimes, the people don't be shame about saying some things because maybe it depends on all of their life and they must be brave and say their words because this way is more easier than saying "Sorry".

honesty is most important matter in life.

thanks my GOD that gifted me this present.

I always respect my GOD because he's just one that always is closely of me and listen me and help me and guide me and love me.

I love my GOD and I always appreciate him.

he is the best friend of me.

Thank you so much.

except my GOD

I think there isn't any thing in the world except my GOD and I'm sure that's enough for all the life. what do you think?